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I sat and listened, held space for her, and then gave her many resources and contacts so she could get help; but all the while I knew that her shame was a direct result of her perceptions of maternal judgment and that that would remain a big obstacle for her.

3) Check your homophobia, biphobia and transphobia at the door.

Or, perhaps, you will see things that confirm your suspicions and worries but be sure to delineate how much of that is simply a self-fulfilling prophecy and how much is accurate.

They were due to meet her family weeks later and she also conveyed shame, worried that she would come up short or feel judged, knowing her home could not compare and that her parents would not be able to afford to treat them in the ways she had just been treated.

9) Wait to actually meet the person your son or daughter is involved with before imposing judgments. Perhaps, when you meet him/her you will be pleasantly surprised.

This personal story is to suggest that sometimes your child’s early choices will reveal some partial truths about the intimate trajectory they are on.

5) Get curious about what your son or daughter finds so special about this boyfriend or girlfriend. Perhaps it is a quality they wish to cultivate in themselves that they haven’t yet and are working on.

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